Jokes Archives.....

[ROCKERS]

A woman goes over to her married son's house and walks in to find her daughter-in-law sitting in a chair, entirely nude. The mother-in-law says, “What the hell are you doing?”
“I'm wearing my love dress,” responds the daughter-in-law, “We haven't made love in a long time.”

So the mother-in-law says, “Hm, maybe I should try that.”

She goes home to find her husband is not in, so she gets undressed. Two hours go by and finally she hears her husband's car. He walks in the front door and says, “What the fuck are you doing?”

“I'm wearing my love dress,” says the wife.

“Well,” responds the husband, “it needs to be ironed.”

[ROCKERS]

The queen of England was visiting one of Canada's top hospitals, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.

"Oh my god!", said the Queen, "That's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this???"

The doctor leading the tour explains, "I'm sorry your ladyship, this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn't do that five times a day, they would explode and he would most likely die instantly."

"Oh, I am sorry" said the Queen.

On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient a blow job.

"Oh my God", said the Queen, "What's happening in there?"

The Doctor replied, "Same problem, better health plan."

[ROCKERS]

This is a GOOD ONE , please enjoy .

"Killing the Eel"

Little Johnny was 12 years old and like other boys his age rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about 'courting' from the older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done.

One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend.

This he did.

The following morning, Johnny described everything to his mother. "Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her." "I figured Sis must be getting sick, because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just the way the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart."

"I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath." "His other hand must of been cold because he put it under her skirt."

"About this time Sis got worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide down toward the end of the couch. This was when her fever started. I knew it was a fever, because Sis told him she felt really hot."

"Finally, I found out what was making them so sick-- a big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away."

"When Sis saw it, she got really scared -- her eyes got big, and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to G~d and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest one she's ever seen; I should tell her about the ones down at the lake."

"Anyway, Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off."

"All of a sudden she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it from biting again."

"Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissors -- lock on it and he helped by lying on top of the eel."

"The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them."

"After a while they both quit moving and gave a great sigh."

"Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they killed the eel. I knew because it just hung there, limp, and some of its insides were hanging out."

"Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went back to courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. By golly, the eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and started to fight again."

"I guess eels are like cats -- they have nine lives or something. This time, Sis jumped up and tried to kill it by sitting on it. After a 35 minute struggle, they finally killed the eel."

"I knew it was dead, because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet."

His mother fainted.

[taingy]

rockers , u owning these threads haha . nice work !

LOL = laugh out loud

[ROCKERS]

I've created this thread so all our member's can chip in & post their jokes to share . it like breaking the ice.
Glad you understand this .

Love bro !

Rockers

[ROCKERS]

[ROCKERS]

[kingkok]

> > African Medicine Man very 'powderful!'

> > A man, getting along in years, finds that he is unable to perform in the bedroom dept.
> >
> > He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work.
> >
> > Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man. The medicine man says, 'I can
> > cure this.'
> >
> > With that said, he throws a white powder into a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.
> > Then he says, 'This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year.All you have to do is say
> > '123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!'
> >
> > The man then asks, 'What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?'
> >
> > The medicine man replies, 'When your partner can take no more and is completely raddled, all she has to say is
> > '1234', and it will then go down. But be warned, it will not rise again for another year.'
> >
> > The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers.
> >
> > That night he showers, shaves and smothers himself in aftershave.
> >
> > He slides into bed, cuddles up to his wife, says '123' and suddenly he has the most gigantic stiffie
> > ever, just as the medicine man promised. He was the happiest man in the universe ......................
> >
> >
> > His wife turns over and asks,
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > 'Why did you say '123' for?'

[kingkok]

9 WORDS WOMEN USE

1. Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a 1/2 hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4. Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8. Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F@CK YOU!

9. Don't worry about it, I got it : Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.

[kingkok]

Wealth vs Integrity

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a
pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.

Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.

Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account.

If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each.

However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You fuck her again."

[kingkok]

GETTING MARRIED
>
> A young man went to his father one day to tell him that he wanted to get
> married.
> His father was happy for him. He asked his son who the girl was,
> and he told him that it was Samantha a girl from the neighborhood.
>
> With a sad face the old man said to his son, ''I'm sorry to
say this son but
> I have to. The girl you want to marry is your sister, but please don't
tell
> your mother.''
>
> The young man again brought 3 more names to his father but ended up
> frustrated cause the response was still the same.
>
> So he decides to go to his mother. ''Mom I want to get married but
all
> the girls that I love,dad said they are my sisters and I mustn't tell
you.''
>
> His mother smiling said to him,
> ''Don't worry my son,
> you can marry any of those girls. You're not his son.